Thoughts on the World Cup

In life it's easy to say something sucks, but unless you actually experience it can you honestly feel complete about holding that opinion? Take the movie Twilight. There was no way that film was going to be worth anything, but I made myself sit through it just so I could have a first handle example of how Hollywood could make vampires and werewolves seem lame. I put in the effort, sat through the entire thing, and my reward? I can now freely say it sucks without ever having to worry about hearing complaints I hadn't given it a chance.

Now if you're the traditional American sports fan you probably aren't exactly super geeked for the World Cup as it starts this Friday. Let's face it though, over the next month you're going to be slapped in the face with overly hyped soccer fan, that random buzzing noise during games, and more U2 than any one person can handle.

With that in mind you have two real options. You can try and buck the event and face getting called an uncultured hillbilly by that guy at work who considers himself to have a world view because he eats raw fish from Bi-Lo for lunch. The other option is to find something to entertain yourself with during matches and make it bearable, kind of like you do at church when you get really bored and start trying to imagine the people around you as cartoon animals. This option will not only get you through the month, but also allow you take part in some of the enjoyment of the entire event.

So here is a list of the best ways to keep yourself involved in the games without actually being involved in the games.

#1. Flags
You'll learn about sweet flags that you never knew existed. If you live in an at least semi diverse area, you probably see plenty of little flags dangling from rear view mirrors that you don't recognize. Well allow the World Cup to teach you those countries' names and then try to match them to your neighbor's rides. Think about how impressed they will be when you recognize the Uruguayan flag they've been rocking since they moved here.

#2. Get your quota of culture
Going out to eat is great, but picking out the restaurant can be tricky. You'd be more than fine hitting up Outback every single time out, Alice Springs Chicken will never disappoint you. Unfortunately your lady friend always wants to go to some ethnic restaurant, some place where you eat food just like they would in some far off village. Gross. She doesn't get that the reason they eat plates of beans and roots is because their village has no Arby's. Tell me those folks wouldn't trade that place of grass for curly friends and shake. Ok, so this would typically cause a little bit of tension, her saying you need more culture in your life. Unless of course, you've met your quota via your World Cup viewing! How can she say you need more culture when you spent all afternoon watching the Ivory Coast and France play?

#3. WAGS
The wives and girlfriends of the players. Beautiful women love two things, horses and soccer guys. Now with some intense research of this year's Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, you two can be completely informed on this critical aspect of the games. Keep in mind this is also the body paint section of the magazine, so you can fill your art quota for the month here as well. A word of warning though, you very well may consider an art career following your research.

#4 A great excuse 
Check it out; the World Cup is across the world and most of the game times are slap in the middle of the work day. How on Earth could your boss expect you to be effective at your job when the entire world is focused on this event? Hmm, doesn't sound like someone is very open to different cultures. So you throw that out there, see if it takes hold, hopefully it does and suddenly you're a huge fan.

Of course to make the moment completely authentic you will have to partake in a beverage from said countries playing, it's only right. Suddenly not only are you off work at 11 a.m., but you're throwing back a Quilmes Cerveza as you watch Argentina play.

#5 Beating someone at their game
Remember that kid in your neighbor that played golf religiously, had all the top dollar equipment, and just knew he was the next Tiger. Was there any better feeling than the time he invited you to play that little Par-3, you showed up in ball shorts and sneakers, carried 3 clubs with no bag, and won? There is nothing like beating someone at something they think they are awesome at. There is no better feeling than beating them at their game.

That's the World Cup for America. Now we're not bad at soccer this year, but it darn sure isn't our sport, it's the world's game and they take an obnoxious amount of pride in it. No matter how good the U.S. is, the world will always view us as the guy showing up in old sneakers and his lawn mowing shirt, who they plan to crush. Nothing could be more satisfying than laying down a sweet victory dance in that grass stained shirt, after knocking off one of the "real" teams.

Final Thought:
There you have it, 5 good reasons to check out these games. Maybe the game will take to you, maybe you'll fall in love with it and go out buy yourself some shin guards. Of course if not, you'll at least be able to say you think it sucks without having anyone saying you haven't given it a try. "Sure," you can say, "I tried green eggs and ham and they are gross, thank you very little." Enjoy the games!